A Nervous System Focused New Year’s Resolution

Hiking Angel’s Landing at Zion National Park

My New Year’s Resolution is to “stop talking sh*t about myself”

This year I’m not setting a resolution to be more productive, disciplined, or on top of things.

My resolution goes deeper.

I’m going to stop talking sh*t about myself, to myself.

Those quiet moments. The automatic thoughts playing in the background. The running commentary I don’t even realize is there until my body is tense, my energy is gone, and I’m wondering why everything feels heavy.

Here’s what we don’t talk about enough.
The way we speak to ourselves is not just “mindset.”
It directly shapes the choices we make and our choices then shape how we speak to ourselves.

This cycle creates our reality.

Your Inner Dialogue Is Nervous System Input

As a pelvic health therapist & digestive health coach, I see this play out constantly.

When someone believes:

“Why is this still happening?”
”Other people seem to handle this better than I do”
“I should be able to push through this”
“I don’t trust my body anymore”
“I feel behind and I don’t know how to catch up”

These aren’t just thoughts you have.
They’re messages your nervous system receives.

When your body hears them over and over it responds by staying guarded, tense, and on high alert.

Nothing is wrong with you for thinking this way.
These thoughts usually come from trying to survive, not from weakness.

But they matter. What your nervous system believes can shape how safe change feels and how possible healing becomes.

These critical thoughts don’t just stay in the mind. They show up in muscle tone, breath patterns, pain sensitivity, avoidant behaviors, overworking and under resting.

When the internal dialogue is harsh, the nervous system stays in protection mode. And when we’re in protection, we make very different choices.

We push when we need to pause.
We avoid when we need support.
We stay stuck because change feels unsafe.

My new year’s resolution isn’t about “staying positive”
It’s about becoming aware of my internal and external environments that are influencing my choices.

The Choices You Make Become Your Life

Your life isn’t shaped by one big decision.
It’s shaped by the small repeated choices you make every day.

And those choices are heavily influenced by how you silently talk to yourself.

If your inner voice is critical, you’re more likely to override your body’s signals, dismiss your own needs, and stay in cycles that don’t actually serve you.

If your inner voice is compassionate, you’re more likely to course correct without shame, rest before burnout, ask for help earlier & try again instead of quitting.

This is where self compassion becomes a skill, not a personality trait.

What Self Compassion Actually Is According to Research

Dr. Kristin Neff one of the leading researchers on self compassion defines it as having three core components:

Self Kindness Instead of Self Judgment

This means responding to yourself with understanding rather than criticism when things go wrong.

Not
”What is wrong with me or why does my life suck?”

But
“This is hard and I’m allowed to be human while figuring it out”

Research shows self kindness is associated with greater emotional resilience and lower anxiety. People who practice it are actually more likely to take responsibility for their actions because they’re not wasting their energy on shame or worry.

Common Humanity Instead of Isolation

This is the reminder that struggle is part of being human not a personal failure.

Pain, inconsistency, fear, and regression… none of these mean you’re broken.
They mean you’re alive.

When we believe we’re alone in our struggle, the nervous system tightens. When we remember we’re not alone, the body softens. This sense of shared humanity reduces that cycle of negative thinking and depressive symptoms.

Mindfulness Instead of Over Identification

Mindfulness is noticing what’s happening without exaggerating it or becoming consumed by it.

Not
”This thought is who I am”

But
“I’m noticing a harsh thought right now”

This distinction matters. When we over identify with our inner critic, it runs the show. When we observe it we regain choice.

Dr. Kristen Neff’s research consistently shows that mindfulness paired with kindness (not self control) leads to better emotional regulation and long term behavior change.

Self Compassion Changes Behavior Not Just Feelings

One of the biggest myths is that being compassionate with yourself will make you lazy or unmotivated.

The research says the opposite.

People with higher self compassion recover from setbacks faster, stick with health behaviors longer, experience less fear of failure, and are more willing to try again.

Why?

Because change doesn’t happen in an environment of threat.
It happens in an environment of safety.

So This Year I’m Choosing a Different Resolution

I’m choosing to notice when I’m speaking to myself in a way I would never speak to someone I love.

I’m choosing to pause before believing every critical thought.

I’m choosing to remember that my nervous system, my body and my choices are all listening.

Not perfectly. Not all the time.

But just consistently enough to create a different reality one small, compassionate choice at a time.

If you’re making the same resolution this year know this.

You don’t need more discipline.
You don’t need more pressure.
You need a relationship with yourself that supports the life you ARE building.

In Health,

Karla Ehlers, OTR/L, TIPHP, RWP-1

Owner, Occupelvic Health & Wellness